Ways to remember someone on the anniversary of their death
TL;DR
There's no right way to mark the anniversary of someone's death. Many families keep it simple: visiting the grave, lighting a candle, cooking the person's favourite meal or sharing a memory with people who knew them. What matters is doing something that feels true to the person and to you.
There's no right way to mark the anniversary of someone's death. Many families keep it simple: visiting the grave, lighting a candle, cooking the person's favourite meal or sharing a memory with people who knew them. What matters is doing something that feels true to the person and to you.
Here are some ideas, from quiet ones to ones that bring people together.
Quiet ways
Light a candle. At home, at the grave or on an online memorial. It's a simple sign that they're remembered.
Visit a place they loved. A park, a beach, a café, the village they grew up in.
Write them a letter. Tell them what has happened this year. Many people find this helps more than they expected.
Look through their photos. Pick one to frame or to share with family.
Listen to their music. The song they always sang in the car, or the record they played every Sunday.
Ways to bring people together
Cook their recipe. Invite family to a meal of their favourite dish, or one they were known for.
Share memories. Ask everyone to bring one story. It's often the funny ones that people remember most.
Hold a small gathering. In many traditions, there are set days for this, such as a church service on the anniversary.
Do something they would have done. Plant flowers if they loved gardening, go to a match if they never missed one.
Ways to give something back
Donate to a cause they cared about. Even a small amount, given in their name.
Volunteer for a day. At a place connected to their life or their illness.
Help someone the way they helped others. If they always fed the neighbours, cook for someone who needs it.
For children
Children often like something hands-on: drawing a picture for the person, choosing a flower for the grave, or hearing a story about when their parent was small. Keep it simple and let them ask questions.
Online memorials
An online memorial page gives family who live far apart one place to visit on the day. People can light a candle, read the story again or leave a new message in the guestbook. Vibitely's In Memory of is free to create and share, and you can add to it each year. Our post on what to write in a memorial guestbook has ideas if you're not sure what to say.
It's fine if the day is hard
Some years the anniversary passes gently. Other years it hurts more than expected. Both are normal. Plan something small, and let yourself change the plan if you need to.