What to write in a memorial guestbook

In a memorial guestbook, a short, honest message is enough. Say who you are, say you're sorry, and if you can, share one small memory of the person. Families read these messages many times, and a single real memory often means more to them than a long, polished paragraph.

A simple structure

1. Who you are, if the family might not know: "I worked with Petras at the bakery for six years."
2. That you're sorry for their loss.
3. A memory or a quality you valued, in one or two sentences.
4. A kind closing.

That's it. Three or four sentences is plenty.

Examples

From a colleague:

I worked with Rūta at the library for many years. She knew every regular by name and always had a book ready for them before they asked. We will miss her very much. Thinking of you all.

From a neighbour:

We lived next door to Jonas for twenty years. Every spring he brought us tomatoes from his greenhouse and refused to take anything in return. Our street won't be the same. With deepest sympathy.

From an old school friend:

Dalia and I sat next to each other for all of secondary school. She made me laugh in every lesson, usually at the worst moment. I'm so sorry for your loss.

When you didn't know the person well:

I didn't know your mother well, but I remember how warmly she greeted everyone at church. I'm very sorry for your loss.

When you don't know what to say:

I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you and your family.

Things to avoid

• Explaining the loss: "everything happens for a reason" or "at least they're not suffering now" can hurt, even when it's meant kindly.
• Talking about yourself for long. A memory that includes you is fine; your own story of grief can wait.
• Asking how they died. If the family wants to share it, they will.
• Promising what you won't do. "Call me if you need anything" is kind, but only write it if you mean it.

It's not too late

People often worry they've waited too long to write. They haven't. A message weeks or months later reminds the family that their person hasn't been forgotten, at a time when most others have gone quiet. Anniversaries and birthdays are good times too.

Lighting a candle

Many online memorials let you light a virtual candle. If you can't find the words yet, a candle says "I'm thinking of them" on its own. You can always come back and write later.

If you're the one setting up a page for a loved one, Vibitely's In Memory of includes a guestbook and candles on the free version, so family and friends have a place to leave messages from anywhere.