Questions to ask your parents and grandparents about their lives

The best questions for parents and grandparents are simple and specific. Instead of "tell me about your childhood", ask "what did your kitchen look like when you were small?" Specific questions bring back specific memories, and those turn into stories.

Below are questions we've seen work well, grouped by part of life. You don't need all of them. Pick five or six for a first conversation and see where it goes.

Childhood

• Where did you live when you were five? What could you see from the window?
• What did your family eat on an ordinary day? And on a holiday?
• Who were you a little afraid of as a child?
• What games did you play, and who did you play with?
• What was school like? Do you remember a teacher's name?
• What did you get in trouble for?

Family

• What do you know about your own grandparents?
• How did your parents meet?
• What was a typical argument in your house about?
• Which relative was the funniest? The strictest?
• Are there family stories everyone tells at gatherings? Are they true?

Growing up and leaving home

• What was your first job, and how much were you paid?
• When did you first feel like an adult?
• Where did you live when you first left home? Who with?
• What did your parents hope you would become?

Love and friendship

• How did you meet your husband or wife? What did you think of them at first?
• What was your wedding day like? What went wrong?
• Who was your best friend when you were twenty?
• Is there someone you lost touch with and still think about?

Work and everyday life

• What did a normal working day look like for you?
• What were you proud of at work?
• What did things cost? Bread, rent, a bus ticket?
• What changed the most during your life? What stayed the same?

Hard times

These need care. Ask only if the person seems willing, and let them stop whenever they want.

• What was the hardest year of your life?
• Who helped you when things were bad?
• Is there something you would do differently?

Looking back

• What are you most grateful for?
• What do you want your grandchildren to know about you?
• What advice would you give your twenty-year-old self?

Tips for the conversation

Record it, with permission. A phone's voice recorder is enough. You'll miss details if you try to write everything down while listening.

Ask follow-up questions. "What happened next?" and "how did that feel?" often get better answers than the next question on your list.

Bring photos. An old photo on the table brings back names, places and stories faster than any question.

Keep sessions short. An hour is plenty. People get tired, and a second visit gives them time to remember more.

Turning the answers into something lasting

Recordings are precious, but few people listen to hours of audio. Writing the stories down makes them easy to read and share. Vibitely's Life Story does this as a guided interview: you answer questions, or type in a parent's answers, and it turns them into chapters, a website and a printable book. The first chapter is free, so you can see what it makes of your notes.